It recently hit me why I don’t want to tell my high school senior what he should do after high school. My wonderful life has been lots of incidents and accidents that opened my eyes to what I should do next. I stepped through doors that I never knew existed until they appeared. Sometimes my biggest plans made years in advance never came to fruition. My life has been a series of events that made me aware of who I am and who I’m not. Knowing oneself, I believe, is the most important endeavor. All the suffering I endured came at the right times when I needed to be hit hard enough with the reality to knock me off my feet and become aware I was going the wrong way or make me take a seat, catch my breath, and rest. Now I understand exactly why I don’t want to tell my kids what they “should do” specifically, like go to college or take a gap year or anything else.
I believe that life works out best when we stay open and see where the road takes us. I know how irresponsible it may sound to many people who believe, “But my kids must have a plan!!!” They believe without a very specific plan laid out neatly, then their children may fail. While it’s true we must set out in some particular direction, my son has to know the direction that suits him. I have given him some options, but I’m not going to tell him which one to choose nor am I going to have him believe the options I give him are the only ones available. Let him wiggle in his own discomfort and see what arises. Plans have value, but only he knows what’s right for him. Some periods in life, that I never planned, exposed me to intense suffering then self reflection and ultimately created the deepest inner joy. The reality didn’t match up with what was anticipated. Yet all of it along the way has lead me here. I love here most of the time. Safety nets are an illusion that often create more disappointments than security. Playing it safe has merit at times, but attempting to live a “safe life” at all times and eliminate risks, is to live a life dictated by fear. Sometimes having no fall back plan is exactly what we need to find a way to make the plan in front of us work. If it doesn’t, then often times, another plan presents itself. We figured it out as we go along. I think that’s damn good plan.