What was my true color anyway?
When I told my hair stylist of my plan, to let my hair return to it’s natural color she got a twinkle in her eye like an artist staring at a canvas. She proceeded to tell me all the layers of services I would need to do over a 3 year period to keep my long hair looking nice. I would need to buy magical lotions and potions and then over time add more fancy coloring, highlights, low lights, in between lights. Then we would be able to create an Ombre look. God forbid, I look “bad” during the transition period before all my natural color is back. I would need to come in regularly every six weeks to have some procedure done because I was a special case. I listened in silence wondering, Did she not just hear that I want to STOP coming to get my hair colored and not deal with more chemicals?! I was done buying products to cover my incoming gray between hair appointments every 6 weeks or filling in roots with powders and specialized hair paint brushes. No more agonizing over which color to merge in with existing tones and hoping they seamlessly matched. What was my true color anyway? I honestly had no idea anymore, and was dyeing to know.
With a serious expression, she pointed the tip of her comb at my face and said she had to make sure I didn’t end up scaring people on the street…
She continued to flop and tousle my hair as she spoke, like I wasn’t attached to it. At one point, she stopped examining my hair from tips to roots, her smile faded into a serious look, she swirled me around in the chair and stared me dead in the eyes. With a serious expression, she pointed the tip of her comb at my face and said she had to make sure I didn’t end up scaring people on the street with a “granny cap”. Under no circumstances should others see roots and sprouts spreading like a gray cancer! Granny cap? I shuddered. I’ve already donated my rocker to Goodwill! Would I need to name my grandchildren Jethro and Elly May, trade in my car for a truck, buy me a shot gun and start stewin’ up possum for dinner? “But… But”… I stammered, “Wasn’t there another way to go about this? Couldn’t I just get a really short hair style? I could cut out almost all my chemical color and then let the my own color, which included gray, naturally grow out over time. The laugh was loud and dismissive. Oh no. You’d have to have a Pixie! You shouldn’t do that! I said nothing and smiled politely. I continued to nod in agreement as she blathered on about the fun times ahead. Every now and then I’d say, Um hum. OK or I hear what you’re saying, while giggling deep down with shear delight. I just listened. I didn’t want to get snippy or be blunt. Why not let her dream of chemicals dancing around my scalp. Who was I to darken her White Rain?
Some just looked at me in silence, like I had told them I’ve decided to become a man.
Not long after that I got a Shag and went with my plan. I haven’t seen her since. She’s a lovely person. I don’t want to undercut her skills. I just decided to clip her services gracefully. I don’t know if I will cut dyes out of my life forever, but I’m heading in that direction.
When I told some of my friends my plan, I got similar reactions, I could never do that., My husband would never like that., Wow that’s bold. I don’t think I could do that because I’d be too gray and I’d look old. I’m not brave enough. Some just looked at me in silence, like I had told them I’ve decided to become a man. From my 14 year old daughter, I heard, No. Mom. Do not. Although some of agreed that they are tired of damaged hair, spending time and money, and stressing out about how their hair color will turn out whenever they go for highlights or coloring, they weren’t ready to make that big of a commitment or change. I completely understand and want everyone to do what makes them feel good inside.
It’s humbling to know people don’t think about what any of us do.
I understand most people want to look good as they age. I’m all for people finding their authentic selves. However, what I was hearing from some of my friends was a longing to “be brave enough” and then backing down. I would say to do whatever you want and don’t consider your spouse, family, friends or hair stylist. Some of my friends were afraid to embrace their natural aging process. I totally get it. I do Yoga, work out and enjoy looking stylish when I want. I don’t think about it as much as I used to though. I often go out of the house with no makeup and wear what keep me comfortable. My point is, if you want to do anything or stop doing anything, then do it primarily for your self. How will a change benefit you? It can be scary, then liberating. My hair has always been a big part of my look, so I had to ease in to the idea of going with what nature gave me. When I finally firmed up my decision, it felt like a step in the direction of my continued and progressively stronger philosophy, that I am a spirit more than matter. My body is just the way my spirit gets around. Others may not like the changes I make. I’m good with that. Then there are those who may be inspired. That rocks too. Most people are busy with their own lives and situations and don’t care. It’s humbling to know people don’t think about what any of us do all that much at all. That’s the way it should be.
As it turns out, I have gotten lots of compliments on my hair since I went short. It’s been a smooth transition. I’m more than halfway to my natural color which has LOTS of gray. It’s nice to let go and just relax. The gray is kinda funky. I’m feeling bold rather than old. Although it took some thought initially, I’m aware how insignificant this decision was. In the big spectrum of life, it doesn’t matter. Some people are faced with serious illnesses, job losses, death, poverty and a host of other powerful life challenges. It’s reminded me about keeping perspective. I would easily accept losing all my hair, if I was faced with cancer and chemo meant I had pretty good odds to live longer. To cap it off, I’m feeling fifty shades of grateful for all that I have, because I know nothing is permanent.
Written By: Maryrose Mitchell