This deserves an OMG because it is so simple yet huge when you are on the path to a higher level of truth and seeing reality. Simply said, when we expect and our expectations aren’t met we suffer. This means we benefit when we stop expecting because we don’t set ourselves up for disappointments, instead we remain open and flexible. Planning is not the same as expecting. Sometimes plans are useful to move towards a goal. As long as we remember goals are always future oriented and therefore “not real” in the sense that they are just a thought in our heads until the moment when they come to fruition, then all is fine. However, when we are not fluid and we are locked into preconceived notions that must unfold a certain way to achieve happiness, then if situations don’t happen as we imagined they would, we feel unhappy. When our future mental constructs don’t align with the present reality, then we suffer, but it’s a choice. If we can accept whatever unfolds rather than clinging to our past and future mind made ideas, then we live with flow and have less distress.
If a Mom expects her kids to be thoughtful on Mother’s Day and her kids don’t deliver, she feels unappreciated and sad. She believes that this one day of the year represents how much her kids love or don’t love her. She has a preconceived idea that if the day is not extra special, she failed to raise her kids well or they are just ungrateful people. Both of these thoughts make her suffer. It’s not what her kids did or didn’t do that makes her feel bad, neglected or mistreated. It’s her thoughts about the situation that create her misery. Expectations happen when we project our ideas into the future and desire it to unfold in a particular way, whether it’s a conversation or an event. When we live each moment in the now and let go of our desires, then we enjoy each moment more. Don’t anticipate what will happen today. Just remain aware and let life flow through you. When I am present to any situation without thoughts about it, I don’t get pulled into drama, negativity or other people’s sadness. I can still be with them in their joy or sorrow to the fullest extent, but I am serenely detached. I can be happy that my son’s soccer team won and enjoy that moment to the fullest. If it’s a loss, I can accept that completely too knowing that it was the other team’s day to win. I’m not counting on anything to happen one way or another. When we are really listening to others rather than believing we know what they will say next we are present. Without expectations, I make better choices. I know when it’s time to keep quiet or respond. Even when someone has a preference that differs from mine, I am listening with my heart not just my mind and I’m less likely to react. My response come from a source within that doesn’t need anyone else to feel a certain way. Nor do I need to feel a certain way. I can just be in the moment. I have more joy and peace when there are no expectations. This doesn’t mean I’m happy if I get a flat tire. It just means I choose not to suffer if it occurs. I understand that if I am suffering it means I expected my car tire not to go flat at that moment. To accept what is starts with not expecting.
Sometimes we need to look closer at a situations and see the layers of expectations. Recently I decided that I was not going to do something for a family member and I knew he was expecting me to do it because he told me. Although I was completely comfortable with my decision, I felt pangs of discomfort when I thought about the situation. I meditated about what was making me feel angst because I was perfectly fine with my decision, so what was bothering me? Then I realized I didn’t want him to have expectations of me and this is why I suffered. I wanted him to stop expecting and so I was still expecting. I was expecting him not to expect. Once I recognized this, I saw how funny it was. What people expect has nothing at all to do with me. It only concerns them. I felt light and unburdened coming to this realization. I just need to stay honest and stay aligned to my true self. I believe this is one of the keys of “letting go of the world”. This letting go opens up space within that used to be occupied with future preconceived notions of how situations and people should be. Every time I make progress in knowing who I am and detach from desires of how things should unfold, fear dissolves and trust appears. I didn’t expect that to happen!
2 thoughts on “We’re Expecting!”
“I didn’t want him to have expectations of me”.
That sure hit home and I didn’t even know this was a conflict within me.
It’s not all expectations of me I don’t want others having; it’s expectations in areas where I have an insecurity therefore, their expectation makes me uncomfortable……..and I secretly resent them for forcing me into a choice about confronting what I perceive as my weaknesses.
Yes EXACTLY! And even when I was good with my decision(s) I was sometimes resentful that they were expecting me to be different. When in fact it doesn’t matter. As long as I am
coming from a place of authenticity and honesty, I don’t mind their reaction anymore. So liberating. Thanks for your comment!
Best
maryrose
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